


IASIP Shorts

by sleepykittyfuck



Category: IASIP, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Fluff, Funny, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 09:31:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17281505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepykittyfuck/pseuds/sleepykittyfuck
Summary: Bunch of little stories





	1. Sad Gay Mac

“I love you.” Charlie says through teary blue eyes.

And Mac drops his head against Charlie’s shoulder. His big arms wrap around him. Charlie softly touches Mac’s back, feeling it heave with sobs. His shoulder is wet with tears and the fabric sticks against his skin, but Charlie just holds him. They stand in the dark room, the sound of water drops echoing around them.

Charlie rubs Mac’s back, presses kisses against his hair, soothes him.

“I-“ Mac’s words are choked with sobs. “I just wanted him to .. love me. I just wanted them to ... care. I don’t understand. What did I do wrong? What’s wrong with me charlie? What did I do?”

Charlie hugs him tighter as of he’ll float away.

“Nothing, Mac. Nothing” He whispers.

Charlie nudges Mac’s head off his shoulder.

“Look at me, Mac.”

Mac looks at charlie with puffy brown eyes, tears spilling down his red face. Charlie holds Mac’s face, his thumbs brushing against his wet cheeks.

“There is Nothing wrong with you.” Charlie says, feeling himself start to tear up. “You are perfect, Mac. You’re the coolest person in the world. And if your parents can’t see that it’s their problem!”

Mac smiled with quivering lips and exhales.

“This is not your fault.”

Mac starts to sob again.

“Look at me, Mac.” Charlie says. “This is not your fault. You deserve so much better. I love you, man. I love you so much. I know it hurts, but you will feel so much better with people who really really love you. I know they won’t say it... so I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that you felt alone for so long. But I’m here now. You’re here. And there’s so much more good stuff in the world.”

Mac smiled and cried, sobbing over his shoulder again.

“I love you, too.” Mac sobs. “I love you too, Charlie.”


	2. Rats

Mac: Holy shit dude! You’re covered in rats!!

Charlie: No! dude calm down! look, look, man... they’re my pets! 

Mac: Pets? Where’d u get them?

Charlie: I don’t know. I think they smelled the candy in my pockets.

Mac: What-why do you sleep with candy in your pockets?

Charlie: That’s not the point dude! But I just woke up and they were all over me. They’re really cute!

Mac: Wait- so these are wild rats?

Charlie. No man, they’re my pets! They’ll eat right out of my hand! They only bit me a couple times (shows hand covered in bandages)

Mac: Charlie those aren’t pets!   
They’re sewer rats!

Charlie: No man, they’re the same things. The pet ones are just different colors.

Mac: Charlie.. they’re from the Sewer! They’re probably covered in shit and diseases! Look! That ones missing an eye!

Charlie: Oh that’s my favorite! His name is Mr Krabs like in..like in spongebob!

Mac: Mr krabs doesn’t have one eye!

Charlie: Yeah he does.. he’s like a pirate. Pirates wear eyepatches!

Mac: What? He’s not a pirate! He-He has like..big .. eyestalks. Two of them—Just!!!...Whatever man, I’m getting out of here u smell like piss.

Charlie: It’s not me! It’s the rats!

Mac: Oh Jesus Christ! (Leaves)

Charlie: I love them Mac!!!!

 

(...later)

(Mac knocks on door) hey Charlie open up!

Charlie: Hey man! I’m kinda busy right now. I can’t really talk okay?

Mac: what do u mean? Let me in Charlie ! what’s going on. (Mac pushes inside + the house is infested with rats) Jesus Christ Charlie!

Charlie: I know, I know, man, just look,, I-i have things under control. It’s just..Mr Krabs fell in love a-and-

Mac: in love?

Charlie: yes Mac! He fell in love with Mrs Puff! ..And spongebob ..and squidward..., and -god- his own daughter, Pearl... and then the next thing I know they’re having babies and their babies are having babies. God, Mac, half of them are missing arms! I- I think they’re inbreeding or something man I don’t-

Mac: Charlie, listen.. this a serious problem. They’re tearing holes through your walls. It’s fucking disgusting in here.

Charlie: well I don’t know what to do man!! I can’t just throw them out on the streets! They have families!

Mac: well, we can get poison, traps..maybe just burn the whole place down.

Charlie: what?? no!! we can’t kill them!! They’re all I have! 

 

...

(They move the rats back to the sewer and Charlie cries)  
(Mac takes Charlie to the shelter and they adopt Domestic rats.

Charlie loves them and all of their toys r garbage. They r filthy babeys like him. And they still pee all over his clothes. Their names are uuuuh nightman (black and white) and dayman (white). 

Later, Charlie is in the vents eating cheese out of a rat trap and he sees Mr Krabs, he’s is excited and goes to pet him Nd the rat bites him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are worthy of love. You are an amazing person. You deserve kisses from one thousand rats.


	3. Mac is a Furry

Dee: I am not a fucking bird!!! You're a ... you're a ... a stupid ... idiot dog!!! Yeah! That's what you are!

Mac: I am not!! I would be something way more cooler and badass! Like a tiger or a wolf!

Charlie: Oh! Oh! I would be a rat! Haha! What about you, Dennis?

Dennis: I don't have time for this, Charlie. I have to go.

Charlie: Whatever man

Mac: Oh! I'd be a wolf, but with like bat wings and six pack abs!

 

[][][][][][][][][][][]  
[Mac Is A Furry]  
[][][][][][][][][][][]

 

Mac: Man, Charlie, I've been so into this wolf idea. Like imagine how badass that would be! I even found costumes online They're called ~fursuits~. Isn't that awesome, dude!?

Charlie: Yea man! I even drew this picture of mnie! His name is RatMan! (shows a very bad drawing that looks like the Chuck E Cheese guy.. some kind of horrible human-rat hybrid_

Mac: Jesus, Charlie, that's not... Oh! Here comes Dennis! He can draw! Hey, Dennis! Hey! Will you draw my wolf fursona?

Dennis: Gross, Mac. You do know that... "furries"... are a thing for sad old men that live in their mom's basement, right?

Mac: No they're not! They're totally awesome! They're like werewolves or dragons and shit!

 

[][][][][][][][][][][]

 

Charlie: Mac! Mac! Look, man! I got you one of those...those animal costumes you've been goin on about.

Mac: They're called fursuits, Charlie.

Charlie: Yea! Yea! That! (holds it up)

Mac: Oh Jesus fuck! What is that!? It smells like piss!

Charlie: I got it from some guy under the bridge!

Mac: That's not even... this is the mascot for that weird carpet store... I don't even want to know what happened to it... Jesus... And it's not even a fursuit! 

Dennis: It's somehow less weird though.

 

[][][][][][][][][][][]

 

(Mac looking around in Dennis's room. He finds something.)

Mac: That son of a bitch!

 

[][][][][][][][][][][]

 

(Mac bursts into the bar holding a cat fursuit)

Mac: You goddamn liar!

Dennis: Put that down! That's worth more than Charlie makes in a year!

Charlie: What??

Mac: You've been being a dick to me and you were a filthy furry this whole time!!!

Charlie: (counting on fingers) It's 2 million dollars???


	4. Christmas...Rats... :)

Mac: What's all this string on the Christmas tree?

Charlie: Oh, there was popcorn on it, but a bunch of rats came in and ate it all off

(Lights blow out)

Charlie: Shit! They must have chewed through the wires!

 

.....

 

Charlie: I wanna help decorate the tree, Mac!

Mac: No way man! You just tried to eat an ornament!

Charlie: Please, Mac! I'm so bored!

Mac: Fine! You can unravel the lights while I put them up.

Charlie: Okay! Now we're talkin!

Mac: Charlie... don't chew on the lights! They're toxic... Just unravel it, Charlie... There's only two ways to unravel it! The other way... no the other other way! They're not going to burn you! I don't know where electricity comes from, but I'm pretty sure it's not fire.

 

......

 

Mac: Get those balls off the shelf for me, Charlie.

Charlie: Balls? Hahahahahah what!? Hahahahah

Mac: Come on Charlie.

Charlie: Hahahah do you even realize what you just said!?

Mac: The ornaments, Charlie! Jesus!

Charlie: Hahahahah okay man! Whatever hahahahah.... balls.... like dick and balls.... hahahaha (handing him the ornaments) Here's your balls hahahahah

 

.....

 

Mac: What the hell is that smell?

Frank: It's that goddamned RAT! It's been rottin up in the ceiling for MONTHS! The damn things starting to smell like cottage cheese!

Mac: Oh Jesus Christ, Frank! What the hell! Get it out! 

Frank: Charlie won't get it!

Charlie: I tried! And it bit me! I think I have rabies!

Mac: What do you mean it bit you? I thought you said it was dead!

Frank: That's what I've been telling him!

Charlie: I don't know, man! Maybe it was a zombie! I don't know! I'm not going near it! Eventually a bigger rat will drag it away...


	5. The Kid

(The gang is at the bar. They’re all arguing and Charlie stops talking. He sees a kid standing there staring at them.)

Charlie: H-hey Guys. There’s some.. kid in here.

Dee: There’s always kids in here.

Charlie: Yea, but it’s just… staring at us.

Frank: Augh! It’s starting to freak me out! Get rid of it!

Dennis: Now I don’t like this kid at all. Shoo shoo! (Hitting the kid with a broom)

Mac: Stop it, Dennis! Maybe he’s lost. (He bends down to talk to the kid) Hey, little guy, are u lost?

(The kid doesn’t answer.)

Dee: I think it’s retarded.

Charlie: (snorts) Yea, you would know, Dee!

Mac: (Talking to the kid) Do u know where your mommy is?

Kid: … I'm 18.

Frank: Aw gross!! Get away from it, Mac! Sick!

Dee: God damn pervert! You like dressing up like little kids, huh?

Frank: You workin for the FBI!? Cuz I told em a hundred times! I ain’t no kid diddler!

Charlie: Yeah! I’m his lawyer and this goes against at least.. a billion code violations a-and even.. Laws.

Dee: You don’t even know what that means, Charlie.

Frank: Shut up, Charlie! Stop telling everyone you’re my lawyer!

Mac: Guys, shut up!!!!! You’re scaring the kid!

Dennis: Hes not a kid, Mac. He's 18. And totally legal.

Mac: What???

Frank: (laughing and pointing) Mac wants to diddle the kid!

Charlie: Augh! That’s sick mac! What the hell is wrong with you?

Dee: You thought he was 10 like five seconds ago, you sicko!

Mac: I don’t want to screw the kid!! What the fuck is the matter with you guys!?

Dennis: Hey, I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but that kid just scampered out the door.

Mac: (Turns around to see the kid is gone) Goddammit!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank u. I love u.  
> Like comment and suscrbjbe


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